


bad jokes and vampirism

by unheraldedUltimatum



Series: ok i guess this is a thing now, alright, [1]
Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter/Funhaus RPF
Genre: M/M, Vampires, warnings are in the notes i'm not sure if this counts as any of the warning tags
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-21
Updated: 2016-07-21
Packaged: 2018-07-25 22:31:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,227
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7549798
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unheraldedUltimatum/pseuds/unheraldedUltimatum
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Dude, go ahead, I won’t bite.”</p><p>He could feel the regret right as Jeremy started to grin.  “But I will.”</p><p>“Oh my god, I hate you.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	bad jokes and vampirism

**Author's Note:**

> SO there's blood of course, there's implied sexual content, and exactly one sentence mentions injecting needles but just as a comparison. i think that's about all that needs to be warned about so you're good to go

Matt didn’t really bother trying to understand.  Sure, he understood that at some point during their friendship, Jeremy had turned into a vampire, but he didn’t try to understand anything  _ related _ to that.

 

For example, he wasn’t planning on trying to understand why Jeremy was awkwardly sitting in his living room, fidgeting with the hem of his shirt rather than talking like he said he would.

 

“Dude, Jeremy, I’m sure your shirt’s real fascinating and all, but…”

 

“Oh, yeah, uh.”  He went to look Matt in the eye, but seemed to decide on his left shoulder instead.  “Well, y’know this whole vampire thing, right?”

 

“Yeah, it’s pretty hard to ignore sometimes.”

 

That made Jeremy laugh a bit, showing off his fangs, which just proved Matt’s point even more.  “So, anyway, I mean-  I get blood other ways, but.  You’re like the only person who knows, and I don’t wanna go to a stranger for it…”

 

“You-  You’re asking to drink my blood, aren’t you.”

 

“Okay, now that I think about it, that’s a pretty dumb question, you don’t-”

 

“No, no, it’s cool.”  He offered up his arm, because  _ that’s.  That’s a thing, right?  Probably. _

 

“Oh, I was thinking… somewhere else.”

 

Now  _ that _ was something Matt could understand pretty easily.  Of course it’d be the neck he’d want.  Of course.  “Wow, alright, I mean… sure?  Yeah, go ahead.”

 

As soon as he felt Jeremy’s breath against his neck, Matt knew that, for the sake of  _ not _ inevitably making things awkward?  This  _ might _ not have been the  _ best _ idea.  And it felt like hours that Jeremy was sitting there, moving his head from time to time but never biting, so Matt really had time to reflect.

 

Now, Matt already knew for a very long time that he liked guys.  That wasn’t what he was thinking about.  He was thinking more along the lines of,  _ Jeremy?  Really?  Is this going to be a thing?  I mean… I guess he’s hot… and talented… and sweet… and buff as hell… and he gives  _ really _ good hugs… and he smells nice…  Okay, maybe I should’ve seen this coming. _

 

Whatever Jeremy was doing that needed him to practically sniff every inch of Matt’s neck must have been finished, because he moved away for a second to ask if Matt had changed his mind.

 

“Dude, no, of course not.”   _ Please, keep breathing on my neck forever.  I’m lonely. _

 

“You sure?  You’ve kinda been squirming a  _ lot. _ ”

 

_ Fuck. _  “Well…  You  _ were _ breathing on my neck for a  _ very _ long time.”

 

“Yeah, okay, that’s fair.”

 

Jeremy moved as if he was finally going to drink, but stopped and looked at Matt again.  Before he could ask about his comfort one more time, Matt was already answering with a “Dude, go ahead, I won’t bite.”

 

He could feel the regret right as Jeremy started to grin.  “But  _ I _ will.”

 

“Oh my god, I hate you.”   _ And get that cute smile off your face or I might have a heart attack before you even get to start drinking. _

 

Finally, after what felt like ages, Matt could feel sharp teeth against his neck.  They seemed to be hesitant, though.  “I’ll try not to do much anyway, but remember you can tell me to stop, alright?”  The combination of the fact that Jeremy was whispering tinto his neck and the feeling of the fangs moving against his skin was just adding on to how awkward Matt could potentially make this.

 

“O-okay.”   _ But maybe if I don’t, I’ll die before I have to acknowledge how hard I am.  That seems nice. _

 

It may have been a good thing Jeremy kept making sure he was comfortable, because his bite felt like two syringes in the neck at once.  The actual sucking out blood part, however,  _ totally _ wasn’t filling Matt’s mind with raunchy thoughts.  No, sir.   _ Definitely _ didn’t feel like he was getting a hickey or anything.

 

Matt started to doubt that this was  _ actually _ the first time Jeremy got blood fresh from the neck, because he had stopped right as it felt like it might start being painful.  Getting some practice before doing something potentially harmful to your best friend is probably a good idea, though.

 

Then there was another vampire thing Matt didn’t plan on understanding:  Jeremy looking up at him starry-eyed with blood smeared all over his mouth.  He guessed that must mean he tastes good, though.  But that’s not exactly something he could brag about to others.

 

“...  Would it sound creepy if I told you that was the best thing I’ve ever tasted?”

 

_ Wait, I was right? _  “Wow, that’s probably the biggest compliment I’ve heard in… a year?”

 

“Aww, you deserve more compliments than that!”  How he managed to be cute while still having blood on his face, Matt didn’t know or care.  Must be another vampire thing.  What probably  _ wasn’t _ a vampire thing was how he looked away and seemed to be blushing a little.

 

Well, now that Jeremy was looking somewhere other than his face and neck, Matt pulled up his legs, just in case.  “Well, I mean…  You got any examples?”

 

“... Even back when I was human, I thought your neck was really pretty.”  He still seemed a little embarrassed, but he was looking back at Matt now, and he paused for a second.  “I guess your long ass legs are good too, but why are they up like that?”

 

“... Nothing.”

 

Jeremy didn’t seem to buy it, because his face just gave a feeling of  _ I know exactly what’s going on here. _  “So… does this mean you’re in to a  _ different _ kind of biting and sucking?”

 

Matt couldn’t tell what was stronger; how done he was with these jokes, how much force he flopped sideways on the couch with, or what Jeremy was teasing him about.  “Eat a dick.”  Probably a bad choice of words.

 

“Oo, Matt, buy me dinner first!”

 

He sat back up as if it was just to prepare himself for making a bad joke right back at him, which it kind of was.  “I  _ was _ your dinner, though…?”

 

“The best one I’ve ever had.”

 

Then Jeremy was kissing Matt softly, and how much excitement he felt certainly had him thinking that he must’ve been at least somewhat attracted to this asshole for more than what couldn’t have been longer than five minutes.  “... Wait, did you just get blood on me?”

 

Jeremy just laughed his wonderful Jeremy laugh as he wiped the blood off with his thumb, which seemed to just be his excuse to start cradling Matt’s face.  For his own bloody lips he chose to just slowly lick his lips, though.  So yes, it probably  _ was _ just an excuse to hold him.  “It looked good on you, at least.”

 

“Do you-  Do you have anywhere else you need to be tonight?  We could, uh…  I…  Have you been in my bed?  It’s a pretty good bed.”

 

“Oh, is it, now?”

 

“Yeah, but it’s kinda big for just one person, I don’t think I’m getting the full experience.”

 

“Okay, this is probably the least sexy way you could be asking this.”

 

“Don’t test me, I have worse lines saved up.”

 

“Please save it for when we’re done ‘getting the full experience’ of your bed.”

 

“... You’re right, that  _ is _ a pretty bad line.”

 

“I’m never letting you live it down now.”

 

“Oh, god, no.”


End file.
